Being a mother can be one of the most rewarding but also one of the most challenging roles a person can have. It’s normal to want to be the best mother you can be. However, if you experience childhood trauma or have high expectations, it can even be more challenging and frustrating as you have to deal with triggers which cause you to react unkindly to your child and yourself. Moments like this lead to feelings of guilt, inadequacy and self-doubt, which affects your mental health.
That’s self-compassion comes in. Self-compassion involves treating ourselves with kindness and understanding, especially when facing difficult situations or challenges. Research has shown that self-compassion leads to improved mental health, increased resilience, and greater well-being.
I certainly experienced being short-tempered with my kids, usually when they didn't listen or when I had a bad night's sleep and then felt guilty for shouting at them. I went through many times of frustrations and guilt. However, things started changing when I noticed my inner critic and stopped it on its track before it could spin out of control. I would start naming my feelings, "I'm tired, and I'm sorry I shouted at you." that gave me a release of the emotion and acknowledged that I'm human and I'm doing my best.
So how can you cultivate self-compassion?
Practice mindfulness. Mindfulness is "bringing your attention to the present moment without judgment. It involves ack"I'mowledging and accepting your thoughts and feelings rather than trying to suppress them. When you practice mindfulness, you become more aware of your own suffering and are better able to respond with kindness and understanding.
Talk to yourself in a kind and understanding way. We all have a v"ice in our head that comments on our experiences. It’s important to be aware of this inner dialogue's tone and content and try to speak to ourselves in a compassionate and understanding way. For example, instead of saying, “I’m such a terrible mother,” try reframing it and say, “I’m doing the best I can, and that’s all I ask of myself.”
Recognize that parenting is hard for everyone. It’s easy to compare ourselves to other mothers and think everyone has it together. However, It’s important to remember that parenting is hard for everyone and that we all make mistakes. This recognition can help us feel more connected to others and foster compassion and understanding towards ourselves.
Treat yourself with kindness. Just as we might offer a friend or loved one comfort and support during a difficult time, we should also extend this kindness to ourselves.It'sThis might involve engaging in activities that bring us joy and relaxation, such as taking a warm bath or walking in nature.don'tIt can also involve saying kind things to ourselves and offering words of encouragement.
Seek support from others. It can be helpful to share our struggles and difficulties with others, experience er it’s a trusted friend, family member, or a professional therapist. Having someone to talk to who can offer a non-judgmental ear and understanding can help us feel less alone and can foster feelings of self-compassion.
Practice self-compassion in daily life. It’s essential to make self-compassion a part of our daily lives rather than just something we turn to in times of crisis. This might involve setting aside time each day for self-care, such as meditation or journaling, or simply taking a few deep breaths and offering ourselves kindness.
Don’t be too hard on yourself. We all make mistakes, and it’s essential to remember that this is a normal part of life. Rather than beating ourselves up over our mistakes, we can learn from them and move forward with self-compassion.
Remember that perfection is not the go. It’s important to recognize that perfection is not something we can achieve. Rather than striving for perfection, we can try our best and be kind to ourselves when things don't go as planned.
Which of these ways will you try first?